That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
