I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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