I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
