just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
