I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
