My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
