How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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