im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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