So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
