do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
