My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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