Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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