WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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