it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
