omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
