i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
