haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
