every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
