I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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