There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
