I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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