Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
