He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
