my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
