Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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