plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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