the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
