my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
