Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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