I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
