it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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