The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
