I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
