you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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