with your own penis?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
