I must be too annoying 4 u.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
