do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
