Welp...herpes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
did you just send me my own nude
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
