We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
