woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How external is "for external use only"?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
