Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
