I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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