If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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