Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
