i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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