i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
