just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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