I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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