I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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