whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
another moral hangover. fuck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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