Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
