Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
