god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
