chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
