nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
